Burned Out Teacher

It’s all over. Normally, there is a big sigh of relief at the end of the year. I felt it as a student. As a teacher, I sometimes felt it even more. This year, I didn’t feel it. Maybe it’s because I’ve decided not to come back next year.
I sat at our last faculty meeting and looked around the room. I realized suddenly, that I knew less than half the people in the room. They were giving out awards to people who had been working for twenty, fifteen, ten, or five years. Can you imagine doing this for twenty years? Then I realized that very few of them were in the classroom. That’s how you survive long-term. You get away from working with the kids.
The head counselor is retiring. She was awful. She won’t be missed. Our seventh grade counselor is taking her place. It’s a poor choice. She’s awful, too. She doesn’t do any work and she doesn’t care about the kids. Oh well, it’s not my fight anymore. I’m tired of fighting every day. I’m tired of fighting for things that should be taken for granted. I’m a lover, not a fighter.
Ultimately, I don’t like the person that I am becoming from working at this school. I don’t like to be angry, suspicious, paranoid, and untrusting. Our time-out room monitor told me that I wasn’t really cut out for teaching because the students got on my nerves. How can you care about the students and not be angry? What right does she—a teacher who was forced out of the classroom because she was ineffective—a teacher who draws full salary but does almost nothing to help—what right does she have to tell me I’m not a teacher? She doesn’t have any idea what goes on in my classroom. She doesn’t have any idea what my students are learning. No one does. We’re all too concerned with discipline and behavior to think about teaching and learning.
It’s over. I know that I should feel something but I don’t. I’m burned out. I gave it the best that I could for three years. I just can’t give any more.

Two More Lives Lost

Ms. Power asks me, “Does Briana’s belly look like it’s getting bigger?”
I look at Briana, wearing a revealing shirt and strutting her stuff in front of some boys. Her belly is bigger. I think back to a month ago when Briana told me her father kicked her out of the house. There was some sort of fight about her boyfriend. I remember Briana missing some school and telling me that she had been throwing up.
“What do we do?” asks Ms. Power, “She was skinny as a twig when I started working here. Now she refuses to dress out for P.E.”
Someone has to talk to Briana. Someone has to ask her if she’s pregnant. I talk to Briana a lot but Ms. Power is the health teacher and she’s a woman. We agree that Ms. Power should ask. I don’t really want to know the answer. I remember Briana telling me that her mother never finished high school. Her mother dropped out when she got pregnant with Briana.
I think about my own life. I’m over twice the age of these kids and I don’t think I’m ready to be a father. Imagine starting life with a thirteen-year-old mother. Imagine being a thirteen-year-old mother. Two more lives lost.

Community Turns On Its Own

It was a tough day today. I just happened to drive by the school last night and I saw police cars. Police were interviewing people right in front of the school. My heart sank. As soon as I got in this morning, I heard the news.
One of our students, a seventh grader, was jumped by a group of sixth graders. He had been at the school late, practicing dance for an upcoming school assembly. The sixth graders assaulted him, apparently because they thought he was gay, and beat him so badly that he is still in the hospital. Some commuters, walking home from the train station, came to his assistance and called the police.
He’s the big star of our multicultural assembly. Once again, the community has turned on one of its most talented members, trapping him, drawing him back in, keeping him from making something better of himself.
In a separate incident, one of our students lost his father. He was gunned down, shot once in the head and twice in the chest. The student still came to school. I suppose it’s good. He has support here. He feels wanted here. We played soccer after school and I spoke to him briefly.

How the School System Creates Criminals

I ran into Malcolm at the train station. I called him over and asked how he was doing. He had the nerve to respond, “keeping out of trouble.”
It turns out that he isn’t going to the alternative school. He has a teacher, provided by the school system, that comes to his house a couple of times each week and teaches him. He told me that if he goes to summer school then he would pass for the year.
How do you like that? You shoot someone in the neck and the school system rewards you with a private tutor. After all the complaining about schools not having enough money, we’re paying for this? Now he only has to do a few hours of school work each week and he’ll make it to eighth grade. Before, he wouldn’t have passed without a major effort. I always knew that Malcolm was smart.
This is how the school system creates criminals.

Hatching Baby Chicks

We’re hatching baby chicks in science class. As of Thursday, Ms. Peters' class had seven, the special ed class had one (which, interestingly enough, appeared to be special ed), and my class had twenty-two. Ms. Jefferson had one chick that was just starting to break out.
By the end of the day it was clear that something was wrong with Ms. Jefferson's chick. It was struggling but hadn’t made any progress. Ms. Jefferson asked me to help it hatch. You're not supposed to but I've seen them die in the egg. I decided to help. I broke off a little piece of eggshell and the chick broke the membrane. I broke another piece of shell and again it slit the membrane. Very carefully, I broke off little pieces of shell and the chick followed me. Finally, its head was free! Success! Ms. Jefferson was relieved.
I decided to stick around until the chick was completely out of the shell. What a disaster. It flopped out of the egg, dragging its guts behind it. The chick hadn’t formed properly. This was why it couldn’t get out of the egg. Ms. Jefferson wanted to leave it over night.
We came back Friday morning and the chick was still alive. It was flopping around inside the incubator and dragging its entrails around with it. Now, it seemed to be in pain. I told Ms. Jefferson that we couldn't let it suffer. I would do the job if she couldn’t. She didn’t want to be around when it happened so she left the room. I carefully picked the chick up and twisted its neck until it broke.
I disposed of the body, took a healthy chick from my room, and placed it in Ms. Jefferson’s incubator. The kids never knew. Was it the right thing to do? Should the kids know that the chick was born unhealthy? It could have been a wonderful teaching moment. Could they have handled it? Would their parents? I feel bad for Ms. Jefferson. My class hatched twenty-two. Her class hatched one and it was sick. The kids were saying things. Ms. Jefferson is not coming back next year. The school board is not going to renew her contract because of the testing incident.

Between Passing and Failing

Arome used to be right on the border between passing and failing. Now, she’s failing badly. Her whole grade depends on this quarter and she still doesn’t care. She could have her summer off (not have to go to summer school) but she would rather make my life miserable. Today, I told the class to get in groups of two. She organized a group of three then yelled at me when I told her it wouldn’t work. When I started to explain why, she put her fingers in her ears and started humming. I kicked her out. Twenty minutes later she was back, promising to be quiet. She continued to provide disruptions for the rest of the period. I’m angry but I also feel powerless. The administration created this situation by allowing her to get away with threatening me. The other day she got in trouble with Ms. Liger and told her, “Don’t you know what I told Mr. Moore?”

This Year is Over

Pam was back today. It sure doesn’t seem like she was gone for ten days. Maybe they let her come back early. She wrote a letter to Mr. Burns apologizing for what she did and thanking him for not pressing charges. That surprised both of us.
The kids started taking their year-end standardized tests today. Today’s test was math. We’ve got a month and a half of school left and the students have already taken their end-of-year exam. I’m glad we don’t have to do it for science. I plan on teaching till the end. It’s easier than babysitting the students for the rest of the year. No wonder they think the school year is over. I had seven students missing from a single class today.
So what are the math teachers supposed to do for the rest of the year? Review? Start teaching next year’s material? The science department wanted to know how many textbooks I’ll need to replace for next year. Am I supposed to collect textbooks already? This year is over.

Expulsions and Suspensions

Malcolm has been expelled. He’ll finish off the year at the alternative school. He’s smart enough to get straight A’s there. It looks like he’ll pass seventh grade without any problem. I knew he was smart.
Rondel got a two-day suspension for punching his hand in the P.E. teacher’s face and giving her the finger. LaToya got a ten-day suspension for pushing, threatening, and yelling at the principal and police. She appealed the suspension and had it shortened. Pam got a ten-day suspension for stealing CDs out of Mr. Burns’ desk. She came into the school at 5:30 pm and took them when the custodians unlocked the classrooms to clean. It was all caught on video camera. Mr. Burns got his CDs back. I think they’re going to kick Pam out of the student government. I sure hope so.

Too Much Pressure

Arome was awful today. She held her own class at the back of the room. She did no class work and she refused to stop talking. What am I supposed to do now?
Macolm got suspended today. He showed up at the bus stop with a BB gun. Then, he shot Shauna in the neck with it. This will probably be the last of him for the school year. It’s too bad. I just talked to him about bringing his grade up fourth quarter so that he won’t have to go to summer school. He seemed up to the challenge. Now, I feel like I’ve wasted all the time I spent on him this year. Mr. Burns just had a talk with him, too. Mr. Burns gave him a new notebook and everything. It seems that Malcolm was failing all his classes and really needed to do better this quarter. He’s smart enough to do it. Maybe the pressure was just too much.

Incidents and Allegations

I talked to the principal on Friday about the incident with Arome. She was assigned one day of In-School-Suspension on Thursday and they held her out of my class on Friday. It’s disappointing. I would think that a threat to a teacher would get more serious consequences than that. Arome’s mother showed up during the school day and demanded to talk to me. She told the principal that I had provoked Arome. The principal told her that he couldn’t interrupt my class (at least he got that right) and then interrupted my class to ask if I could meet with her after school. It didn’t seem like I had a choice so I said I would. A few minutes later, the office secretary also interrupted class. Arome’s mother couldn’t meet after school, how about first thing before school on Monday morning?
I agonized over the meeting all weekend. What was I going to say? What if she was hostile (the principal told me that she was hard to handle one-on-one)? Why wasn’t I getting more support from the principal? Does he think I’m in competent? Does he want me to work at the school?
I thought about taking Arome to court. After all, she did threaten me. The school didn’t seem to take it very seriously. One day of In-School-Suspension? She could be in jail! Maybe a court case would force the school to take these incidents more seriously.
I arrived at school early today for the meeting. The first person I saw was the principal. He was heading into another meeting. It turned out that he didn’t know anything about my meeting. It looked like I was going to have to do the conference alone. I went to my room and collected my trump card. Earlier, I had confiscated a notebook from Arome. The notebook was full of obscene and perverted things that she had written in class. I placed the notebook in my binder in case the conference got nasty. If Arome’s mother claimed that Arome was an angel and I was the problem then I could give her the notebook. It was time for the meeting. I prayed and then headed to the office. I didn’t want to meet in my classroom with nobody around.
Arome was there. So were her mother and a man. Her stepfather? Grandfather? It looked like a three-on-one. We went into the conference room together. There was an awkward moment of silence and then I started telling my story. First, I told them how I had worried about Arome all weekend and that I hoped this conference would resolve things so that she could get back to the business of being a student. I was hoping to defuse the situation a little. Then, I started a couple of weeks back. I told them about the comments that Arome was making in class. She tried to interrupt but her mother stopped her. I told the whole story and I’m sure that it sounded different coming out of my mouth than it had out of hers. Arome tried to interject comments along the way. Each time, her mother stopped her.
There was a knock at the door. The principals wanted to use the conference room for a meeting. Could we move to another room? We stood up to move. The man shook my hand, “Sorry to waste your time, Mr. Moore.” He and Arome’s mother left. Arome walked off to the cafeteria. I stood there uncertain. What had just happened?
I’m still not sure. Did they believe me? Why wasn’t there a confrontation? Why didn’t they reprimand Arome? What did it mean? My trump card was unplayed. Did I win the hand? I guess we’ll see how Arome behaves next class.

Someone is Always Willing to Take a Bad Student's Place

Arome slipped out of the middle of class today. I had kicked her friend, Tasha, out of class. Suddenly, I realized that Arome was gone too. She tried to sneak back into the room but I caught her and wouldn’t let her in. She started screaming into the room. There were only a couple of minutes left in class so I just ignored her. By the time class was over and she came in to collect her things, she was steaming mad. She got up in my face and told me, “I’m going to smack the fuck out of you!”
It was in front of several students, which is even worse. The principal knows about it now. We’ll see what he does. I don’t know what’s wrong with Arome. It’s like she snapped. One day she just woke up and decided she hates me. Ms. Liger said that at about the same time Arome has decided that she loves Ms. Liger.
We thought that if we got rid of one or two students then everything would be great. Now it seems like someone is always willing to take the bad student's place.

Well, You Was Talking Too

I put a couple of girls out of class today. They were being incredibly rude and refused to stop talking. One of them, Arome, yelled back at me, “Well, you was talking too!” As if she doesn’t understand that it might be OK for a teacher to talk to the class but not OK for students to be talking to each other. She also told me, “I’m getting real tired of you.”
It’s hurtful. I’ve tried so hard to make class fun and interesting. It makes me feel unappreciated. If I’m going to get constant disrespect then why bother teaching? I can understand why 50% of teachers leave teaching in the first five years. I can understand why teachers leave our school. I can understand how this hurts our students. Do our students and their parents understand it?

Why Teachers Cheat on Tests

Ms. Jefferson gave her students answers to the quarterly test. One of her students told on her. When she was confronted about it she said that everyone in the department was doing it. Now it looks like she’s going down. She has to meet with Human Resources.
It’s a bad situation. She got behind because one of her parents (who is former School Board) asked what the city’s policy on evolution is. Ms. Jefferson emailed the city to ask and they couldn’t come up with an answer for two weeks. She got behind because she couldn’t teach evolution. Then, the test came in with a huge number of questions on it from the few things she hadn’t covered. She gave the answers to the questions she hadn’t covered. She shouldn’t have done it. Still, I feel bad for her. It’s her first year in the school and she’s been under constant fire from parents.
Ms. Lupe’s “permanent” sub resigned too. Ever since Ms. Lupe resigned there has been an ever-changing face covering class for her. I don’t think her students are learning much of anything now. It’s a constant battle.

Time to Watch My Back and Be Quiet

The head principal called me out of the middle of class yesterday. She and an assistant questioned me in the hallway,
“Did you give out answers to the quarterly test? Were you instructed by the department to give out answers? Were you told to curve the test? When did you give the test? Did the other science teachers give it the same days?”
After the interrogation was done, they let me go back to class. I didn’t really feel like teaching anymore. I didn’t do anything wrong. Something is going down and I have no idea what it is. It's time to watch my back and be quiet. This is the first conversation I’ve had with the head principal in months. It’s the longest conversation that I’ve ever had with her.
Rodney continues to be a problem. His mother asked what his grade was. I told her that it was still an “F” because he hasn’t handed in any of the make-up work I gave him. She asked me to give him new copies of the work.

Too Much Time on This Kid

Rodney skipped class today. I thought he was just absent and it was very pleasant. About halfway through class, however, Ms. Liger called and said that he was interrupting her class. He claimed that I had given him a pass to clean out his locker. I got an email response from his mother today. It sounds like she wants to have a conference. I sure hope not. I feel like I’ve spent way too much time on this kid and most of it has been wasted.

Has a Problem With Women

After LaToya’s mother talked to me yesterday she got called back into school. LaToya’s younger sister was in trouble. Apparently, LaToya’s mother went crazy. She completely lost it in front of the principal and school police officer. I don’t know the details of what happened but it must have been bad because LaToya’s mother is no longer allowed on school grounds. It’s a little scary. Just a couple of hours earlier she was talking to me. If she can’t control herself in front of the police then what could I have done if she had gone crazy on me? Everyone pushes parent conferences but sometimes I don’t think it’s a good idea.
I found a mound of sunflower seed that someone had spit on the floor of my classroom. I managed to trace them back to Rodney. Today, I made him pick up every trace of sunflower seed that I could find. Apparently, Ms. Liger had the same problem and did the same thing. I emailed Rodney’s mother and told her what he had done. We’ll see what happens.
The principal is talking about giving me a new student. He’ll be transferred from his current science teacher because he “has a problem with women.” I’m not sure that’s a good reason to move a student but we’ll see. Apparently, he’s fifteen years old because he’s been held back a couple of times. This should be interesting.

What Do Counselors Do?

LaToya’s mother came in today and we talked about the cell phone. She claimed that she had to talk to someone at the school. Supposedly, she called all the numbers but no one answered so she called LaToya’s cell phone. I don’t think that I believe her but she agreed that LaToya’s phone should not go off in class. Hopefully, that’s all resolved now.
I have my last class tonight. If I weren’t so tired then I’d probably be excited. I’ve waited so long to be done with my education courses and now it’s finally looking like a reality. I finished my homework this morning during planning time.
Rodney got suspended again. He had all the test answers written on his hand in language arts class. Kanika showed up for language arts class with her pupils dilated and acting stoned. Mrs. Liger took her to the counselor. The counselor just let her go back to class. She said that she was busy and couldn’t talk to Kanika. What do counselors do?

Another Teacher Resigns

Ms. Lupe is gone. When I came into the school Mr. Burns was looking for me. He introduced me to some woman I’ve never seen before and told me she was Ms. Lupe’s replacement. Could I please help her with some lesson plans for science? Ms. Lupe resigned! I knew that it had been a rough year for her but I had no idea that it was going that bad.
I took LaToya’s cell phone from her. It went off during class. She argued with me and didn’t want to give it up. She kept coming back and arguing with me about it. She finally stormed off, cussing at me under her breath. Then, I found out that this is the second time in as many days that she has lost it. It went off in Ms. Liger’s class the day before and LaToya went through the same routine. I had a phone message from LaToya’s mom, my first all year. I called back but she wasn’t there. I hope this isn’t about the phone. I wish parents were as concerned about grades as they are about cell phones.

Pi Day

It was pi day today. Get it? 3/14, pi=3.14 Our math teacher celebrated with pie eating contests in her class. It’s a fun idea but the students were getting crazy. They showed up for class on a major sugar high. Rodney, in particular, was obnoxious (more so than usual). My mood didn’t improve when the counselor told me that his mother wants a conference with me. His behavior has improved in class (thanks to all the extra time and energy) but he’s still failing.
Most of the kids have been improving. The expulsions have removed a lot of our least cooperative students and the others have improved without having the chronic troublemakers around. Deon has been moved to the alternative program. I ran into the alternative teacher and she said he’s doing great. Yeah, I think he’d be doing great in my class too if I only had three students. I’m happy for him, though. We’ve been trying since first quarter to get him in alternative. Why does it take so long? We’ve wasted so much effort on this kid.
I’m taking tomorrow off. I have to write a couple of papers for class. I’m starting to get behind now and I really don’t care. I find myself sitting at the computer and just staring at the screen. It’s my last semester. . .

Why Do I Have to Deal With This Stuff?

Three of my students were in In-School-Suspension today. Rodney was one of them. Class was much more pleasant today than usual. Of course, it also helped that I was giving a test.
It’s interim grade time again. It kind of crept up on me. I’ve been spending so much time on class that I haven’t had much time to think. This weekend was over before it had even started.
Some kid snatched Allison’s money out of her hand in the hallway today. Then, he ran shrieking down the hall with the money held above his head. Allison chased him down the hall until he ran into the boy’s bathroom. She then stood outside and yelled threats into the bathroom. I went to talk to the guy and he refused repeatedly to hand the money over. He’s not one of my students so he thinks that he doesn’t have to listen to me. He’s one of those guys, though, that is in trouble so often that everyone knows who he is. I eventually got the money back and sent him to the office. Why do I have to deal with stuff like this?

Reading Assembly

We had an assembly today. It was Arome’s first day back from her knife suspension. Deon was back from his cussing out the sub suspension. Briana was back from spending a couple of weeks in El Salvador. The assembly was pretty poor. It was supposed to be a Reader’s Theater for Read Across America but they chose the remedial reading students to do the reading. No one could understand what they were saying. Of course, all the students in the audience were going crazy. Before the assembly even started, Deon got into some sort of screaming altercation with one of the paraprofessionals. He had been in the auditorium for less than a minute. I think it actually the paraprofessional's fault.
After the assembly, I got my class back in the room and locked the door. It was a good thing that I locked the door. One of the eighth grade girls (former student of mine) came down and tried to start a fight with one of my current students. She stood outside my door, yelling into the room and refusing to go away. All this because someone rolled their eyes at her. The principal had to take her away.

Laughing at a Funeral

Today we went on a field trip to the Holocaust Museum. Most of the kids were well behaved but those who weren’t . . . Allison and one of her friends were singing in the museum. Arome, Tasha, and Kesha decided that this would be a good place to pick up guys. Mr. Burns caught them getting some guy’s telephone number. When we got back to school, we talked about the museum. Arome said that it didn’t really have much of an impact on her because she didn’t know any of the people in the Holocaust. Tasha was mad that people told her to be quiet when she and her friends were laughing. I asked her how she would feel if someone who was close to her died. Then, I asked her how she would feel if someone was laughing at the funeral.
"Ooooh, I would steal him in the face, Mr. Moore," she said.
"Well?" I thought. These kids have no idea how inappropriate they are.

Education Classes, What a Waste

March! It snowed yesterday and school was cancelled. We opened two hours late today. I was happy for the break. I needed it. Unfortunately, I spent most of my time writing a paper for class tonight. This is my last semester of education classes for my teacher license. I am in a complete senior slump. I just don’t care anymore as long as I get it done. I only have five or six more weeks! Looking back on it, these classes have been a real waste of time and energy. It’s time and energy that might have been better utilized for teaching. What a waste.
Well, as might be expected, many of the students weren’t ready for school to start back up today. A lot of them didn’t bother to come. Those that were here have forgotten everything about how to behave in school. It really is disappointing. They’re almost as ready as I am for the year to be over.

Thanks for the Support

It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. I hope it does. I want out of school really bad. We're trying a new strategy with Rodney. When he comes into the room I give him eight paper clips. Every time he talks out of turn I take one from him. It worked pretty well today until he started playing with his CD player in class. I told him to give it to me and he refused. I called the office and they took him out of class. Later, I discovered that they let him keep his CD player. Thanks for the support.
Terence drew a picture of a guy with a gun today. He turned it in with his class work. I turned it in to the office. Maybe they’ll give it back to him.

What Does Confidential Mean?

Shaunaa may not be coming back. When she met with the Dean of Discipline, he read all of our letters to Shauna and her mom. We had been promised, of course, that the letters would be confidential. I can just see Shauna’s mom coming after us with a gun. She denied calling the principal “white bitch”. Then, she claimed that someone else had written Ms. Power’s letter. They got Ms. Power on conference call and Ms. Power confirmed writing the letter.
After all this, we were asked to provide make-up work for Shauna, Arome, DaSean and Deon. Did I mention that Deon was suspended for cussing out a substitute? I pulled make-up work together for them, wondering if I would ever get it back. It’s a three-day weekend for President’s Day. I need it.

Dean of Discipline

I’m exhausted. We had parent conferences last night and they went way too long. The day before, I had a conference at GMU. What a day to miss! Arome got suspended for bringing a knife to school. DaSean got caught in the cafeteria with marijuana (which explains why he’s always laughing and singing in class). I know there are others who are using. It’s hard enough trying to teach these kids without having to teach them through a drug-induced haze. Well, I guess he’s gone now.
We recently found out that LJ won’t be coming back. He was suspended weeks ago but never went to see the Dean of Discipline. When you’re suspended for something serious you have to go to the Dean of Discipline before coming back to school. LJ did his time in suspension but I guess his parents didn’t mind him not being in school. Finally, they took him to see the Dean. The Dean looked at his attendance and his multiple suspensions and expelled him.
Shauna had to go see the Dean of Discipline today. She’s been suspended because she got up in Ms. Power’s face and told her she was going to slap her. Shauna’s mother came to the conference last night. It was a very uncomfortable situation. The woman is crazy. She refers to our principal as “white bitch” and she calls him that to his face. That woman should not be teaching preschool.
Cardoza wrote, “Ms. Liger is a bitch!” on the wall of Ms. Liger’s classroom. Then, when Ms. Liger confronted her, Cardoza denied it saying, “If I thought you were a bitch then I would tell you you’re a bitch.”
Cardoza’s mother came to the conference last night but Cardoza denied everything. I was caught between Cardoza’s mom (who only speaks Spanish and was vehemently defending her "innocent" daughter) and Ms. Liger who was refusing to let it go. I had to translate. This morning, Ms. Liger finally got a confession out of Cardoza. Then, she made her call her mother and confess. Finally, she made her write letters of apology to the principal and herself. Cardoza did not look happy today.

Out to Dry

I took yesterday off. I had a paper that I had to write for class. I was also supposed to have Terence in class yesterday. I was glad to miss it. I spoke to the principal first thing today about taking Terence out of my class. He said that he hadn’t had a chance to look into it. Why do I get the feeling that they are going to hang me out to dry on this?
Today, Terence decided to come by the after-school club that I supervise. He then proceeded to be obnoxious the whole time. If this is how it’s going to be then I’m not going to do it anymore.

Thinking About Quitting

I am thinking very seriously about quitting. I don’t want to teach Terence if he’s not going to get the help he needs. I don’t want to deal with Terence’s mom if I’m not going to get the help that I need. I begged the principal for a change. He said that he would see what he could do. I offered to take problem students off another teacher in exchange for Terence. I guess we’ll see.
I cut my hair last night. Everyone was asking about it today. It seems to have made me a minor within-school celebrity.

Future Psycho

I’m angry. It’s the new student, Terence. Today he drew a picture of a guy with a gun standing over a dead and bloody body with a knife in its back. He had it out during class and I took it from him. Then, the complaining started. “Can I have it back? I didn’t draw it in your class. I drew it in Social Studies. I have to show it to my mom . . .”
I stapled a referral form to it and put it in the principal’s mailbox. After school, Mrs. Fret stuck her head in my room and told me that Terence had something that he wanted to say to me. Terence came in. He wanted his drawing back. I told him the principal had it. He left. Suddenly, Terence’s mother was in my room. She was full of excuses for Terence.
“He’s very sensitive,” she explained.
She wanted the drawing back too. I told her the principal had it. Apparently, Terence left my room and went crying to some teacher. Then, he cried on the phone to his mom and she drove to the school to save him from his mean teachers. I can’t believe it. I’m sick to my stomach. I can’t teach this kid, he’s a future psycho.

I Want No Part

I guess the groundhog probably saw his shadow today. The sun came out and it felt warmer even though there was still snow on the ground. I took my last class out for a walk. We took a thermometer and measured some temperatures. We also measured out some snow in a graduated cylinder and watched how little liquid it melted down to. We found some cotton and collected and planted the seeds. Mostly, it was just a chance to relax and calm down a little bit. Briana, her first day back from suspension, was crying. Her grandfather died. She’s going to have to go to El Salvador for a while. I think the walk helped everyone but especially her.
I picked up a new student today. I am really not happy about this. He’s had so many problems with his science teacher that they decided to change him to my class. I’m not sure what miracle I’m supposed to work on him. I’ve seen the stress he’s caused his old teacher. The mother was always calling, sending emails, and coming in for conferences. I want no part in it.

Writing Lies

I am supposed to keep an eye on Rodney to see how long he can last in class before I have to talk to him. Official time: 0 seconds. He started screaming as soon as class started today. Then, the students had to evacuate his side of the room because his farts were stinking it up so much. The cafeteria served burritos for lunch today. I am sick of dealing with this kid. Every simple task is impossible. I am tired of having meetings about him. His behavior has not improved and I am just wasting a lot of time and energy on it. If I had known that he wouldn’t improve then I wouldn’t have bothered.
Allison is another one. She started wrestling with someone in the classroom before class started. We had a long talk in the hall. Through the whole talk she was dancing, singing, and yelling at friends. I finally got her focused and asked how she thought she should behave when she was in trouble. She asked if she was supposed to feel sad. I told her that if she didn’t then she should pretend. That started another long conversation. Finally, she calmed down and came into the room. A few minutes later I sent her to the office with a referral for throwing things. She stormed out cussing and then refused to go, peeking back into the room and saying that I had written lies about her.

Fifteen Years

I’m frozen stiff and so is the ink in my pen. It snowed yesterday. I, and everyone else, was hoping that school would open late today because of the snow but it didn’t happen. Somehow, I survived the day. I actually feel pretty good considering it’s a Monday and I’ve spent the whole day with students. Friday is a teacher workday – when we submit the grades for 2nd quarter. That means I only have the little rascals for three more days this week. I can survive.
One of my students brought in her older sibling's yearbooks from fifteen years ago. I flipped through the faculty section. There were only a few familiar faces. I can’t imagine being in this school for that long. One of the few things that makes it manageable is the fact that it is only temporary. It was a sobering look at the past and the future.

Hall Monitors on the Street

They’re posting hall monitors on the street now. There have been a lot of nieghborhood complaints about our students on the way to and from school so I guess we have to monitor that now too. I passed a hall monitor with a radio while on my way to the train station. I crossed under the tracks and into a crowd of students who were avoiding the monitor. I don’t know what they were plotting but when they saw me they scattered like cockroaches from light.
The behavior seems to be getting worse at school. It seems like the disruptions are constant now. As soon as you get one student focused, two more are working on getting everyone else unfocused. Grades come out soon and they won’t be good. Maybe the new quarter will help.
It’s class again tonight. This is the professor that I don’t like. I have to try to smooth things out tonight. Last night’s class was a little better. It went to the bitter end, though. We used every second of class time and didn’t get out until 9:15. By that point, I really didn’t care at all about the Social Foundation of American Education. Come to think of it, I never did.

Social Foundation of American Education

Tonight is the first night of my Tuesday class, Social Foundations of American Education. I’m riding the train to class which should get out around 9 pm. It’s tough. I’m tired from work and then I have class. This is my last semester. I should be completely done around the first week of April.
I’m giving my last test of the second quarter today and tomorrow. The quarter is winding down. We’re almost halfway through the school year. It’s hard to believe. One thing about taking night classes is that it makes time pass quickly. The next couple of months will fly by. By the time I’m done with my night classes, the school year will be mostly over.
LJ got in a fight before school started today. I guess he’ll be suspended for a while. More importantly, I hear he was beaten pretty badly. Maybe he’ll learn something from this. Nothing else seems to be working and he’s been asking for it for a long time. It was Allison’s brother that beat him up. I didn’t realize that Allison had a brother in 7th grade but apparently she does. That’s a scary thought.

Another Gun Off the Streets

The school police officer came by to thank me for the info. The police got the gun from Malcolm’s mother. It is a rifle-type pellet gun. Apparently, the six-year-old still has the pellet in his neck because the doctors are scared of trying to cut it out. The officer isn’t sure if Malcolm will be charged or not.

Dr. King Would Be Proud; Monday, January 17 – Friday, January 21

It’s been a week. Monday was the Martin Luther King holiday. Tuesday morning the kids were fighting before the opening bell. Dr. King would be proud.
My evening classes started on Wednesday. I don’t get along with my professor at all. I was sitting in class biting my tongue. She kept saying all these negative things about teachers that made me upset. I kept telling myself to take it easy, "This is my last semester. I just need a 'C'." Finally, I burst. I pointed out the flaws in her argument and how she was contradicting herself. I made her look bad in front of the class and that can’t be good. I’m going to have to stop paying attention in there.
Thursday was Inaugural Day. It was supposed to be a half-day/teacher workday but it snowed out.
Today, Malcolm wanted to use the phone. I wouldn’t let him. We’re getting stricter after a bomb scare on Wednesday (that’s a whole other story). Malcolm asked to speak to he alone in the hall. He handed me a business card from the local police department. He told me that they had pulled him out of class and that they were looking for something that was in his house and had been involved in a malicious wounding. He said that he had to call his mother to get it out of the house. I told him "no". After class, I called the detective on the business card. I got the answering machine so I left a message. I still wasn’t satisfied so I went to talk to our school police officer. She verified that the police had removed Malcolm from class to talk to him. I told her what he told me and asked if it made any sense. It turns out that the police are looking for a BB gun. Someone shot a 6-year-old kid.

As Bad As They Have Ever Been

I came dragging into school late today. I was still recovering from last night. The morning was full of science fair forms. We have to have all the paperwork for the city fair by Wednesday. Of course, we didn’t know who would need the paperwork until last night.
Most of the day went by fine. My second block class, however, was as bad as they’ve ever been. They wouldn’t stop talking. They wouldn’t stop singing. They wouldn’t stop insulting each other. I sent a lot of them out. I sent Rodney to the office. It continued. I was incredibly frustrated and angry with them. Rodney came waltzing back into the room in the last minute of class. I yelled at him and kicked him back out. How can you send a student back to class after I am frustrated enough to send him out?
My after school soccer team played today. We won, beating the only team that’s beaten us. This was their first loss and they were bad sports about it.

Science Fair is Over

The Science Fair is over. I am exhausted but not as exhausted as I’ll be when I’m teaching tomorrow. I finally left the school around 8 p.m. Science fair was OK. Some of my students did well. A lot of my former students also did well. A few of my students qualified for the city fair but didn’t show up tonight. I had to gather all their boards for them.
I actually nodded off in class today. I knew that I was running out of energy for teaching so I put a video in. I sat down to watch with the class and almost fell asleep. I had to force myself up to stay awake.
During reading time Rodney insisted that he needed to go to the library. He claimed that he took his book back without reading it because someone had written in it. Then, he claimed that his Spanish teacher sent him to the library. The story sounded suspicious so I started questioning him. After several minutes, he admitted that he was lying and claimed to have left his book at home. I refused to send him to the library. Finally, he went and got his book off the shelf and started reading. Why does it take so much work to get him to do what he’s supposed to do?

Science Fair, Tuesday, January 11- Wednesday, January 12

This is science fair week. I had to stay late yesterday to help with the judging. I was supposed to stay late on Monday too but it slipped my mind. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who forgot because several of us received nasty emails from the science department chair. Tomorrow night is the public viewing and awards ceremony. I probably won’t get home until nine or later. I hate this time of the year.
As part of my work with Rodney, I was asked to keep track of how many times I have to talk to him in a single period. I’m keeping a little tally sheet. It’s amazing how many times he gets in trouble every day. I hadn’t even realized. It’s pretty much constant. Today, he was yelling across the room, couldn’t stop talking about Thomas’ shoes (I finally put him out for that), was playing paper football on at least three different occasions, talked during the quiz, etc.

What Do You Mean I Have Bad Attitude?

I finally made it to a doctor and got some antibiotics over the weekend. I also got this really great cough syrup. I took a teaspoon before bed and I haven’t slept like that in a long time. But when it was morning, the alarm was sounding in a very far off place and my legs and arms didn’t want to move. I skipped the cough syrup for the day—it’s not supposed to be used when driving so I figured it’s not safe for school use either. I have to be fully alert.
Cardoza finally came back from a long suspension for fighting. I gave her a copy of her interim grade report with all of her teachers’ comments on it. I had completely forgotten what comment I put down for her. Suddenly, she was up in my face with plenty of attitude. “Mr. Moore, what’s this about having bad attitude? What do you mean I have bad attitude?” If the situation weren’t so real it would have been comical.

The First Week Back is Always the Longest

The first week back in school is always the longest. It seems like it will never end. Two of our juvenile delinquents got in a fight today, or so it seemed. I saw a big group of students crowding around in the hallway. That usually means a fight. I rushed down and saw an administrator holding Deon, who was flailing around wildly. Whatever had happened, it was now over. Deon got hauled off in one direction, Malcolm in the other. Class would be easier without Deon. I wouldn’t really miss him. I might miss Malcolm but class would be easier without him, too. Then, Deon came to class. It turns out that they weren’t really fighting after all. Deon was getting ready to fight some girl and Malcolm pushed him off her. They didn’t get suspended, but maybe a couple of days of In-School Suspension.
I’m looking forward to this weekend. I’m still nursing a cold. I haven’t been getting enough rest to shake it and I have to use my voice with the kids. Hopefully, I can get some rest. Every weekend I think I'm going to rest but I never do.

Never Heard the Word "No"

LJ has a five-day suspension. I guess he did something when he was skipping class yesterday. The principal was saying that he is a really spoiled kid and that he always gets what he wants. I think part of the problem is that he has never heard the word, “No.”
We followed up on the Malcolm story today. It turns out that his cousin was not killed yesterday. He just invented that as an excuse to get out of trouble. I have to admit that I had my suspicions but I didn’t think Malcolm would slip that low.

What is This World Coming To?

I’m still sick, maybe sicker. We had a team meeting this morning. The principal was there and he shared some news on some of our students. LJ finally went to court for stealing a bicycle. He got twenty-five hours of community service. He’s been asking loudly and proudly if he can do the service at school. Meanwhile, he was five minutes late to class today. I sent him to the office for a pass and never saw him again.
Our other little student who is in trouble is Deon. He was arrested for robbery over the winter break. A former student of our school pulled a knife on someone and stole his jacket. Deon was there, wearing a ski mask. Since he wasn’t the one with the knife he got off easy but he has a probation officer now. I guess Deon had a good scare. His older brother is locked up somewhere so he knows the routine.
Malcolm skipped math class this morning. He said his cousin was killed in Maryland. What is this world coming to?

Back in the Routine

It didn’t take long to get back into the routine. I had another long meeting about Rodney this morning. I’m getting tired of talking about him. By the time class started I was exhausted. Then, I had to deal with him in class.
I’m getting sick. I had to do a lot of talking in class today, too. I’m going to have to change my lesson plans around because I’m losing my voice. At least, the next semester of night school hasn’t started up yet. I’m not sure when it does start. I should probably check on that.
There was some big drama going on between some of the girls today. I had them in class and they were fine. After lunch there was almost a fight. The principal came around later and started taking people out of class. I guess they were trying to sort things out. Shauna was in the middle of things once again. It’d be nice if she got suspended again.

Teaching is an Addictive Cycle

It's a new year and a fresh start. I didn’t really want to be back but it wasn’t a bad day. A lot of the kids were out today. I guess they’re still recovering. It mad it a lot easier to teach the ones who were here.
Teaching is an addictive cycle. If it were all based on the middle of the third quarter then every teacher would quit. But it isn’t. You have summertime and winter break. Then you think, "Teaching isn’t so bad," and before you know it you’re back in the school year wondering, “Why am I doing this again?”
It was a little weird being back today. I was disoriented. I couldn’t remember which classes I had—-I even forgot a couple of students’ names. It’s like being in a different world. When I’m on break I don’t think about school at all. I think it’s a survival method. The kids don’t think about school when they’re on break either. In fact, they seem to unlearn everything they’re been taught the whole year. It took three and a half months for them to learn it and only a week and a half to forget it. Some of them just run wild all the way through the break. It’s going to be tough for them to get used to discipline and consequences again.